Protect your children from abuse
When I asked Stacey Honowitz to contribute an article for our Child Abuse Prevention Month series, I asked her not to pull any punches. As a Sex Crimes and Child Abuse prosecutor, Stacey sees it all and has a powerful message for how we need to protect our children. I don’t know how to stress enough that every parent needs to read this, and take action!
Sex Abuse – We Are Too Scared to Talk!
I have been a Sex Crimes and Child Abuse prosecutor for close to twenty-four years, and I have noticed that many times when I talk to parents and inquire as to whether they have had this discussion with their kids, the answer is no.
Are you serious?! In today’s society when there are sexual predators on television every other minute, you are too nervous to have a talk with your child about private parts and touching?
Its unreal to me and my colleagues who are in the business of protecting kids and punishing the perpertrators.
In this day and age of sex all over the internet and cable television, people are too embarrassed to say the words vagina, penis and penetrate to their kids but will let them watch reality television fake celebrities get drunk, have sex and get naked on tv. It just makes no sense that I have kids in my office who could have gone for help and might not have been a victim several times over if they just knew what the proper steps would be if someone had touched them, penetrated them orally, anally or vaginally or made them feel uncomfortable about their bodies in certain ways. There are the real cases that I see, and age of the victim is no factor for the pedophile.
If truth be told, I am very harsh on people who cannot accept that a sexual predator could be lurking anywhere and that their child no matter how rich or poor could be the victim of their actions. What people fail to realize is that the abuse has NO boundaries. A victim could be black or white, jewish or christian, fat or thin, tall or short or as previously mentioned, rich or poor. The abuser really does not descriminate in who he is picking as long as that child is vulnerable.
What is sexual abuse, and why are we so afraid to admit that these talks need to be had?
Why are schools only interested in discussing sex education in the upper schools, rather than possible sexual abuse with the younger kids? Parents want to pass rearing their kids to the teachers in schools, and the teachers feel that topics like this are off limits to them and should be handled strictly at home.
The truth is, everyone should participate in educating a child about their bodies and what to do if they feel as if they have been victimized.
What are the proper steps and the warning signs that something might be going on?
First of all, as soon as you think your toddler is ready to understand body parts, teach them that their “privates’ are called vagina or a penis. What is the big deal, they learn about their eyes, nose, ears and throat. I know its funny to label your private something cute, but if your child eventually tells someone that they were touched in their “pocketbook” they might not know what they are talking about. Its parents that thinks those words are so uncomfortable to say, at a young age it’s second nature for them to say vagina and penis.
Teach them not to be afraid to tell you or another adult if they have been touched. Education is knowledge, and as we know knowledge is power.
If there is another adult who seems to want to only spend time with your child, especially when you are not around, don’t be afraid to question it. The onslaught of gifts, trips, babysitting, usually does not lend itself to just being a good nice person. Many times we know that the true pedophile is at work, grooming their victim. Question the behavior, you might have good reason.
I wrote my two books so that parents could break the ice with their kids about this delicate matter. “My Privates are Private” and “Genius with a Penis don’t Touch” are great tools to help with this. Take advantage of them and keep the conversation going! If you need help, contact me through my website, staceyhonowitz.com. Conquer this topic, and you and your kids will feel empowered!
Are you concerned that your child may be a victim of abuse? Don’t wait – take action right now! Contact us for help in walking through the process of reporting and healing.
i talk to my girls all the time about the dangers, its important that they don’t forget about sexual abuse in all its forms, and not to put themselves in dangerous situations. Thanks for sharing
Kudos to you for starting the conversations early. I agree – the foundation you build now will create an atmosphere of trust between you that will be super important as your girls reach the teen years! Sending you HOPE!
I always love your articles, Ronae. What a worthy thing you do to make a difference in this world. x0x
The LEARNED Preneur @ NormaDoiron.NET
This is such an important topic of conversation that parents must address with their children especially in a society where the media serves to desensitize their attitudes and feelings about sex and sexuality. Thanks for sharing this!
denny
The media only wants to talk about it when a big high profile case comes around. I am on the air all the time talking about other cases, but i cant get 5 minutes for talking about the books. I cant figure out a GOOD reason why they would not want their audience to be informed.
Ronae, conversations must be started early. The more a child knows and understands, the better chance they will be able to know what is wrong and tell somebody! Thank you so much for sharing these articles. I know they will help many who may not know exactly where to start. Bless you.
We do need to start the conversations early, thats exactly why I wrote the books. Parents need to realize that this conversation is continous and not shameful!
Ronae, I always admire your post and your work. Thanks for sharing this.
Ronae,this is such an important topic to cover. Your guest post author has done a great job in presenting such a difficult subject. Keep up the good work that you do.
thank you for you nice comments about the post. i appreciate getting feedback, and i am happy that you saw the importance of this topic.
Thank you for sharing this. My husband is a State Prosecutor and has put away many people for these crimes. It is important to educate all children about this.
As prosecutors we see this everyday. The public only really hears about the high profile cases, believe me there are hundreds of cases in hundreds of state attorneys offices around the country.
It really is so frustrating that parents and educators are so uncomfortable having this very necessary conversation with their children. I have daughters and we have definitely spoken about this very topic from when they were small.
you have no idea how difficult it is for me to get the schools to let me in to talk. All I want to do is hold meetings with the parents so that they know how to talk to their kids and to expose them to the books so that they know the tools are out there. Most of them are not interested at all. Maybe they need to see how many cases we have.
Thank you for replying, Stacey. I’m actually not surprised at all. I am a former elementary school teacher. You made the point about how parents want to pass the rearing of their children onto the teachers…yet when it comes to the subject of sex in any form…they just won’t have it. It’s an irony I don’t understand myself. I think there is a fear on the part of the school districts that someone might sue them for something.
I remember when NYS passed the law mandating an AIDS curriculum in grades K to 8…parents were reeling. To this day there are parents that get upset and go into the schools to complain about it…and the schools have the state to back them up. They should come up with something similar for the issue of sexual abuse.
absolutely!! I will keep trying!
Ronae, Better to be uncomfortable for a few minutes than let something tragic happen that could have been prevented. Bless you for all you are doing to prevent abuse and to help those who are dealing with the effects of it.
Ronae your blog is always addressing important issues which is why I love it. Thank you.
What an important topic for us as parents to be willing to discuss with our children. Thanks for standing up and helping us be proactive about it!
Most of my life I have spend studying psychology, human behavior and child abuse. I worked in child protection for 15 years. The reality of this….. Until we change the way we connect as humans……. we will continue to have to hear these horrific stories. This is a topic near and dear to my heart ..so happy you are addressing it
Anita, my hat is off to you for working within “the system” for so long. What heart-breaking work! You are so right – it seems child abuse in all its forms is an ongoing reality. Yet we can continue to be a voice for the voiceless, raise parents’ awareness, and provide tangible hope for healing for the wounded!
I heard a statistic recently that shocked me: one of four women report that they were sexually abused by a sibling. You always think of adults perpetrating the sexual abuse but it seems that siblings are also guilty. Perhaps parents need to talk to their kids about respecting each other as well.
Rhonda, sibling abuse is all too common. One of the greatest tasks of parents is to do everything in their power to protect their children, and give them the tools they need to stay safe or find healing if they have been abused. Then we, in the rest of society, have a responsibility to look out for children who don’t have parents able or willing to protect them. It is a heavy responsibility.
Thanks for sharing this post! It is definitely something that needs to still be brought out into the open. I love the titles of Stacey’s books.
Just great!
Really great article! What a perfect person to speak out about this truth! It is strange that with sex all around that it is so difficult a topic..
This is such an important issue that parents need to discuss with their children. Thank you so much for sharing.